hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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