i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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