So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
