dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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