Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
