my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
