I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
