3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
