Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
