Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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