worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize