I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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