Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
