Nicole vs. Life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
