just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
