the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
