if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When are your genitals available?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
