Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
