id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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