The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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