What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
