he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
