My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
