We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
