P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hippo gnu deer
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
