I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on