I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
