Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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