I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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