I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
