Pappa wants mamma naked
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
