Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
