Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
