Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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