So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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