Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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