he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
