I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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