he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I could make wine with my vomit
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
