At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
