She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
