Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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