I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
