i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
