Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
