On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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