I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
