Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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