No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
