So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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