Where is the hickey?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
