so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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