dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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