New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize