Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
