What did we do last night that was yellow?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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