i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
