Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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