He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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