"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize